Can I get a redo? A restart? A refresher?
Motherhood…like seriously, how is one supposed to know if they are doing it right, doing it too right, or downright failing? I know you read all the quotes, memes, blogs that say “you’re a damn good mom even if your laundry isn’t done?” Or “ you are an amazing mom no matter what you do.” ACTUALLY not really. I am trying so hard to be tough and teach my kids respect and to be a good person, but am I too tough. How do you figure out if my expectations are too high or way out of reach. I am a teacher, I see A LOT of kids come and go that are downright disrespectful and I think that is why I have set the bar so high. And of course there are the “be mean but not too mean, or be their friend, but definitely not their BEST friend. Where is the line ladies and gentleman?
Today, my daughter ( 5 ½) had a rough naptime (2 hours) at school, preschool, daycare, whatever you want to call it. She was loud and crying and being her over-emotional self. She got in trouble. I don’t stand for not listening to her teachers. We got in in the car, I told her we needed to talk about it. Tears…tears….louder tears…louder and louder tears that she didn’t want to talk about it . The mom vs daughter comes out and gets more mad because she is seriously crying and I don’t know why. She asked to say something, I of course let her, all she is saying though is “ You won’t let me talk.” Insert more frustration by me. My poor almost 3 year old son is just looking at us, wondering what is happening. She then says “she’s so mad she is going to throw a shoe at me.” This part probably should have made me laugh and look at what was happening, but at that point I was more mad. She has now lost her bike for a week. I could go on and on about how this conversation/tantrum went on but pretty sure most of know how it goes, you get mad, they get mad and eventually dies down.
So….tonight at her tap class I sat with other moms talking about this incident, and one mom really made me think. ( She is also a friend that teaches early childhood teachers, so she knows a thing or two, so her ideas are well respected) She talked about different approaches to discipline and different ways of doing things, not better, just ideas. So of course the ideas made me question everything I have done since her birth.
Maybe I have done it all wrong, maybe my approach is not the right way, maybe I need to stop trying to create this perfect child. But how when all I want is to raise a good human being in this big scary ridiculous world. I don’t know the answers. Can we get a redo, can we erase and try again? Will they remember?
I guess I will attempt to try and answer my own question. Trial and Error? Hopefully my kids will grow up to be decent human beings, but I guess at the end of the day we have to go with our gut and do what is best. In the meantime I will try and re-evaluate my approaches and standards and keep on momming the best I can.