I am writing this in a very, VERY quiet house. I realize it will be awhile until I type in this quiet of an atmosphere again in the near future.
Grandma took both boys for a sleepover as Papa is out of town for work tonight. It was an impromptu thing, and we went with it as she is going back to work next week after having neck surgery last month.
I had to work today and Steve is already asleep for work tomorrow. It. Is Quiet. Ya’ll.
I am sure some of my posts sound a tad whiny, voiced by a privileged mom who is always whining about needing a break. But the honest to god truth is, the second I am handed that much needed break, I miss my crazy kiddos.
I wander aimlessly past their dark rooms, flicking on the lights and sighing. I rotate the laundry and put it away to fill the time and my empty hands. There are no grubby feet to get scrubbed clean in the tub. There are no goodnight books to read. There are no little heads to kiss or to tuck in at night. Even the joy I normally find in watching my guilty pleasure, The Bachelorette, is noticeably diminished tonight. It just feels more enjoyable to have ‘me time’ after being ‘Mom’ all day long.
Tonight is a stabbing flicker of what the now far-off future will hold, a sharp reminder that we will not have these little rugrats in our home indefinitely. The thought is too painful, so I push it down, repressing it with my best denial. No, they will be little forever. The alternate is unimaginable at this point in my life.
I am sure I will forget this feeling the minute the boys are screaming over some trivial thing tomorrow, but tonight I am reminded of just how damn lucky I am to have those little monsters in my life. I am so grateful to be their Mom. They are my purpose, my reason for everything. I miss them so ridiculously much.
It is healthy for them to have other connections and relationships, and I am glad they can spend tonight with their Grandma. Tomorrow though, I can promise you that millions of smooches will be planted all over those little faces. At least temporarily, Ol’ Yeller will be retired and Ol’ Sappy Mom will be reunited with her favorite little men again. All will be well in my little world. G’night from our (too) quiet home!